hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
