Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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