You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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