the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
