thus making me awesome and them whores
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
