It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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