Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
being pregnant is like rehab
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
