my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Shame - the story of my life.
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