I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
