Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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