Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
