I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
