And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
