Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
