I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
