you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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