the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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