I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
