So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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