Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
