i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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