but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
