hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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