I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
