i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
