would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My vagina is officially offended.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
