i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
