the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
