Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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