3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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