i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
