If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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