3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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