We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
