Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
