Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
should my penis look like a turkey
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
