I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
