Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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