bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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