HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
