he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
