her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
