Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
