I wanna passion pit in your ass
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
