i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
this hospital has no fireball
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
