he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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