So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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