My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
