If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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