my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
