btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
